How to Teach a Child with Autism a New Skill: The Steps We Don’t Always Think About

The Hidden Side of Teaching New Skills to Children with Autism

Teaching a child with autism a new skill takes more than just time. It requires intention, patience, and a deep understanding of their unique needs. Many people focus on what skill to teach. This could be brushing teeth, tying shoes, or using a communication device. However, how we teach these skills is often overlooked. It’s important to teach them in a way that supports the child emotionally, socially, and developmentally. As my son’s caregiver, I’ve had to learn this firsthand through experience, trial, and reflection.

Below are some of the most important—and often overlooked—steps I’ve discovered when teaching a child with autism a new skill.

1. Regulate Before You Educate Independence

This is a step many people miss: if a child is not emotionally regulated, they won’t be in a place to learn.

Children with autism often experience heightened sensory input, emotional dysregulation, or anxiety. Before introducing a new skill, it’s important to make sure the child feels calm, safe, and emotionally grounded. This might mean offering a sensory break, using calming visuals, or simply sitting together in a quiet space to help them settle. Creating this sense of safety lays the foundation for meaningful learning to take place.

💡 Tip: Learn your child’s signs of stress or over stimulation. Teaching in a calm moment, not during a meltdown or transition, will make a world of difference.

2. Break the Skill Down into Micro-Steps

What looks like a single task to us—like brushing teeth—is actually a series of small, coordinated actions. For a child with autism, it helps to break the skill into its smallest parts.

For example:

• Go to the bathroom
• Pick up the toothbrush
• Turn on the water
• Put toothpaste on the brush
• Brush top teeth, bottom teeth, tongue
• Rinse and clean up

Each step may need to be modeled, practiced, and repeated individually before the full routine is mastered.

💡 Tip: Visual schedules or step-by-step picture cards are excellent for helping with this process.

3. Use Visuals and Modeling

Many autistic children are strong visual learners. Verbal instructions may be missed or misunderstood. Pair your words with visual aids—photos, icons, or even short video clips showing the task.

Even better: model the task yourself or have someone else do it while the child watches. Modeling builds trust and gives the child a clear picture of what success looks like.

4. Offer Predictability and Routine

New skills feel safer when they are built into a predictable routine. If you want to teach your child to dress independently, start by doing it at the same time every day. Do it in the same place with the same set of steps. This builds confidence through consistency.

💡 Tip: Use a timer or visual countdown to help ease transitions into the new routine.

5. Provide the Right Level of Support (and Fade Slowly)

Sometimes we offer too much help; other times, not enough. The key is scaffolding—providing just the right amount of support, and slowly fading it as the child gains independence.

This includes:

• Hand-over-hand assistance
• Gentle verbal prompts (“What comes next?”)
• Physical cues (pointing to the item)

Over time, reduce the prompts gradually. Celebrate small wins along the way.

6. Reinforce Progress, Not Perfection

Learning a new skill takes time. Praise progress, not just the end result. Celebrate when your child tries, when they remember a step, or when they show resilience even if it’s hard.

Positive reinforcement can be verbal (“Great job brushing your teeth today!”), or tangible (like a sticker chart or a short play break). Motivation matters.

7. Reflect and Adjust

If something’s not working, don’t be afraid to pause and rethink. Is the task too complicated? Is the environment too noisy? Are there too many steps introduced at once?

Reflection isn’t a failure—it’s how we meet our children’s needs more effectively.

Final Thoughts

Teaching a child with autism a new skill isn’t just about repetition—it’s about respect, preparation, and connection. The steps we often overlook—like emotional readiness, visuals, and tiny victories—are what truly shape success.

With love, structure, and patience, every child can learn. And when we slow down to see the world through their eyes, the learning becomes a journey we take together.